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We rely on science to tell us everything from what to eat to when and how long to exercise, but what about relationships? Is there a scientific explanation for why some people seem to navigate relationships effortlessly, while others struggle? According to psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, the answer is a resounding "yes."
In Attached, Levine and Heller reveal how an understanding of adult attachment-the most advanced relationship science in existence today-can help us find and sustain love. Pioneered by psychologist John Bowlby in the 1950s, the field of attachment posits that each of us behaves in relationships in one of three distinct ways:
Anxious people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner's ability to love them back Avoidant people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness. Secure people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving.
In this book Levine and Heller guide readers in determining what attachment style they and their mate (or potential mate) follow, offering a road map for building stronger, more fulfilling connections with the people they love.
Eye-opening overview and introduction, but simplistic if you crave in-depth information.
141 people found this helpful.
on April 3, 2017
I have been in therapy on and off with different providers for almost 3 decades, and been in many failed relationships. Yet not one therapist ever mentioned the words “adult attachment theory” to me until I decided to see a new therapist at age 55. My new therapist recommended this book in my first session and it opened my eyes to what really happens in relationships. However, it is a somewhat simplistic book. It is very accessible to a broad audience, but leaves a lot of unanswered questions, including why we are the way we are and what we might do about it. I read most of it in one day. For anyone craving more information, I highly recommend Mindsight by Dan Siegel, which is a much denser book about the science and complexities of adult attachment issues, how they play out in real life, and what can realistically be done to resolve them. It took me weeks to finish. In particular, I think Attached does a disservice to what it calls “anxious-avoidant” attachment types–with no information at all on this type. Siegel calls this type “disorganized,” and people with this type of attachment are in particular need of helpful, concrete information. To take the issue a step further for practical information for resolving relationship issues pertaining to attachment, I recommend Getting the Love you Want by Harville Hendrix.
Should be required reading!
71 people found this helpful.
on September 25, 2015
By Paul McCloud
This book really should be required reading for anyone BEFORE they get into a relationship! I’ve recommended this book to many friends now and every time I recommend the book I make a joke about how humbling it was to read this book. Let me explain.
It’s a case study on my life
on May 15, 2017
By chynna wendell
This is the first “self help” book I’ve ever purchased. That’s just not me. But I am so glad I did! The research described in this book, and the advice the authors give is so eye opening. I’ve already recommended it to at least 5 people and I even sent a copy to my ex boyfriend hoping he could gain some insight on himself as well.
The book I wish I had read 20 years ago
on December 9, 2017
By Heather Havenwood
Attached. WOW! I wish I had read this back in my 20’s. It has helped me identify my personal attachment style. And what I am attracted to. And what is a better match for me in my life as friends and lovers.
One person found this helpful.
on May 10, 2017
Awesome book. Came as expected.
This book changed my life.
on October 26, 2017
It gave me a new perspective and I feel confident to go out into the relationship world and make a good choice for my happiness. It was well written, easy to follow, and had many examples and data to back up the concepts. Absolutely believe it should be a staple for anyone in a relationship or someone who’s looking for one. The concepts are applicable in other areas in life as well, for example work relationships.
Wonderful layman’s explanation of attachment theory.
on October 26, 2017
This book is great if you’re feeling stuck in your relationship. If you’re confused about how things started to turn, or if you feel hopeless about your future together.
Reading this book was a life changing moment. For …
6 people found this helpful.
on May 24, 2015
Reading this book was a life changing moment. For the true meaning of it, you must know I have only said it once before. And not about a book. It explained everything that went wrong with my romantic relationships in introduction. It helped me understand all my relationships. With family, friends, bosses and myself. I cannot believe I bought it by accident looking for something completely different. I almost never do that. I usually do not even buy the things I came fore, just drop them to wish list and see if I still want them a few days later. Something told me I have to read this. So everything about this book, from the moment I bought it will go down in my history book.
Totally New Light!
on October 28, 2012
By L. Young
This book was recommended to me and my intend was read it with a view of neutrality, thinking if it helps fine if it doesn’t I’ll toss it. After I go over the first 40 pages I found it insightful, helpful and some of it very profound. I read it and did the attachment exercises inside. Now I refer it routinely and might re-read it again.
A whole new way of looking at relatinship
One person found this helpful.
on August 8, 2014
By Judy Lee
First of all, this book helps us to forgive ourselves for being “attached”. In this day and age, when people are taught to be independent, strong, and confident, it almost feels like it is weak to admit you like to be around with your man all the time. The research behind the concept of this book helps us to explain relationship with simple 3 attachment styles. I can relate to some of my experiences in the process of finding love. After reading this book, I know how to be a little more analytic, and avoided having self doubt.
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