How to Succeed as an Actor Who Has an Awkward Amount of Time to Kill Before an Audition

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You’re a working actor. For you, every day is a grind: auditions in the morning, meetings over lunch, rehearsals and classes at night. At least that’s what you tell your peers, because you’re smart enough to know that admitting you spent the entirety of your morning crying into a shower beer is the second-least effective way to score a referral from a more successful friend in the industry. The first is asking for one.

For a moment, let’s assume you’ve managed to scribble an appointment in your otherwise barren Lisa Frank planner. It’s the day of your big audition and– HEY– the J Train decided not to hit a kid. You’re outside of the room, and you’re ready. Except you’re probably not. Here are a few things you should always have with you on your noble quest to gain approval from strangers.

1. WATER.
Before a big audition, it’s important to stay hydrated. It’s even more important to assert dominance in the waiting room. If you stroll in sipping cool aqua pura from a BPA-free SIGG THERMO, you’re virtually guaranteed a callback. Evian? Fiji? Not bad, old sport. You’re on the precipice of a huge break in the crime reenactment industry. If you paid anything less than $3 for your beverage, I’m sure there’s a first-level improv class rehearsing somewhere in the building. They’d be more than happy to “yes-and” your abject failure as an artist.

2. MAKE UP.
Fix your ugly. Boys, I’m talking to you. Your hangover is showing.

3. EARBUDS.
Everyone warms up differently. Some people stretch. Some people make penetrative eye contact with strangers while they run their lines. Some people erupt in the nightmarish cries of the Congolese mandrill. Block those hammy amateurs out with the percussive, soul-numbing sludge your favorite doom metal band. Conversely, don’t play anything. Simply pop in your earbuds and silently ridicule your peers. Everyone will assume you’re just spitting hot fire along with the Hamilton soundtrack!

4. PEN & NOTEBOOK.
These are important and oft-overlooked assets during auditions. Conversation in the waiting room is the only social interaction you’ll have this week, so be prepared in the unlikely event you score a phone number from a desperate Tisch student. Don’t text them. They live in Queens.

5. BUSINESS CARDS.
You never know when you’ll need to slit your wrists in a pinch. (Don’t skimp on stock—the thicker the quicker!)

Don’t forget to

haphazardly

toss these necessities into a BULKY CANVAS TOTE! Never underestimate the power of low-key bragging about that one time you visited the Strand.

Max Henry drinks AquaDeco from a Camelbak while listening to Saint Vitus around New York City.

 

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